Osama Bin Laden and the Newfoundlanders

Osama Bin Laden was sitting in his cave wondering which country to
invade next, when his telephone rang.....

"Hallo, Mr. Laden" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, down
ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada ey?
I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on you, ey!"

"Well Archie," Osama replied, "This is indeed important news! How big
is your army?"

"Right now" said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself,
me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbour Mick, and the whole dart
team from the pub, ey. That makes eight!"

Osama paused.  "I must tell you Archie, that I have one million men in
my army waiting to move on my command."

"Holy jeez" said Archie.  "I'll have ta call ya back!"
 
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Laden, the war is
still on ey!  We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?", Osama asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor."

Osama sighed.  "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and
14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one
and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lard T'underin' Jaysus, bye," said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. "Mr. Laden, the war is
still on ey! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified
Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
byes from the Legion have joined us as well!"

Osama was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you
Archie thatI have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My
military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jeysus, Mary and Joseph," said Archie, "I'll have ta call youse back ey."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "Mr. Laden! I am sorry to
have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Osama. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well,sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long
chat over a bunch of pints ey, and come to realize dat dere's no way we
can feed two million prisoners."